This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.



  • Anybody who has dealt with Deutsche Telekom knows the meaning of despair. But are they really that bad? Which of the following do you regard as the worst thing about Germany?
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This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.

Not that we don't love them - we do. Not that we don't admire them - they are an amazing people. Not that they don't brew the best beer in the world.

They don't. In the COSMOS!

But let's face it. They live in a land often more boring than a caravan site in winter. Their government is made up of grey drones, their civil service run by RoboCops, their upper-classes obsessed with parking their money in Switzerland, their TV thrillers are as tense as Boris Becker's oldest jockstrap and their contribution to pop limited to Nena and the Boehse Onkelz.

Their restaurant service is appalling, their car driving manners reprehensible, their sense of humour ... well, have a look at their carnivals ... What more do you need to know.

But we're on a mission at the GH - to get the komatose, komplacent, dis-kontented Krauts to lighten up and laugh along with a Brit-centric take on Germany.

We hope you'll laugh with us in preference to the spine-crushing tedium of the FAZ, if that is your particular brand of masochism.

We aim to blow the Local yokels out of the media Freibad with stories brighter than Lady Ga Ga's lipstick; we aim to crack the mirror of Spiegel with tales from both the light and dark side, while avoiding the boring (because, hey, like we said, there's already enough of that in Germany. And in Spiegel.)

You want whacko - we got it. You want opinions we got opinions rawer than a steak tartare. You want info we have it: quicker, cheaper and more understandable than a Deutsche Bahn timetable.

The German Herald. Everything you thought you didn't want in a newspaper.

But we know you'll like it.

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