WARNING!

This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.

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  • Anybody who has dealt with Deutsche Telekom knows the meaning of despair. But are they really that bad? Which of the following do you regard as the worst thing about Germany?
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WARNING!

This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.

Not that we don't love them - we do. Not that we don't admire them - they are an amazing people. Not that they don't brew the best beer in the world.

They don't. In the COSMOS!

But let's face it. They live in a land often more boring than a caravan site in winter. Their government is made up of grey drones, their civil service run by RoboCops, their upper-classes obsessed with parking their money in Switzerland, their TV thrillers are as tense as Boris Becker's oldest jockstrap and their contribution to pop limited to Nena and the Boehse Onkelz.

Their restaurant service is appalling, their car driving manners reprehensible, their sense of humour ... well, have a look at their carnivals ... What more do you need to know.

But we're on a mission at the GH - to get the komatose, komplacent, dis-kontented Krauts to lighten up and laugh along with a Brit-centric take on Germany.

We hope you'll laugh with us in preference to the spine-crushing tedium of the FAZ, if that is your particular brand of masochism.

We aim to blow the Local yokels out of the media Freibad with stories brighter than Lady Ga Ga's lipstick; we aim to crack the mirror of Spiegel with tales from both the light and dark side, while avoiding the boring (because, hey, like we said, there's already enough of that in Germany. And in Spiegel.)

You want whacko - we got it. You want opinions we got opinions rawer than a steak tartare. You want info we have it: quicker, cheaper and more understandable than a Deutsche Bahn timetable.

The German Herald. Everything you thought you didn't want in a newspaper.

But we know you'll like it.

Latest News

 

How Boris Becker Was Brougt Low by Cheap TV stunt
Three-time Wimbledon tennis ace Boris Becker has been accused of making himself into a laughing stock by taking part in a cheap publicity stunt this weekend to promote his new book "Life Is Not a Game". The stunt included having a giant bow with two fly swats strapped to his head to play table tennis.

GRIN AND BEAR IT - Brown Bears At The Dentist
With toothache in choppers this size, these brown bears at a German wildlife park had every right to be a bit grizzly.

FORK THAT - Worker turns Fork Lift Into Jousting Lance
German police are investigating after a hyper market worker turned his forklift truck into a jousting device and attempted to spear a fellow worker after a row.

DIRTY THIRTY - Fake Euro Note Warning By Cops
A German corner shop owner saw some of his profits go up in smoke after he accepted payment for a pack of cigarettes with this non-existent 30 Euro note.

MURDER MYSTERY: Did Killer Confess in Novel?
Fugitive Norbert Wieland, 66, has been on the run since his girlfriend Bettina Polzer's body was found at her apartment in Furstenfeldbruck, Germany.

WHITE BLAM MAN - Brit Cheats Death By Seconds in Crane Smash
A British white van man cheated death by seconds in Germany when a falling 130 crane arm cut his truck in half.

UNTRUCKY BREAK: Thief Facing Justice
This smug looking truck thief will soon be facing justice - after speed cameras caught him fleeing the scene in Sarstedt, Germany.

NAZI SHOCK: Death Camp Victims Buried Beside SS Officers
Nazi death camp victims were secretly buried beside SS officers at a German World War II cemetery, outraged historians have revealed.

PICNIC BASKET BABY MURDERED - Baby abandoned in River Danube
A mother whose newborn baby boy was found dead in a picnic hamper with his throat cut is being quizzed by police in Regensburg, Germany.

WE ARE NOT EMU-SED - 7 Police Cars Chase Emu
Heavy handed cops gunned down a six foot tall emu after it escaped from an enclosure in Heimfeld, Germany.

 


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