WARNING!

This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.

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  • Anybody who has dealt with Deutsche Telekom knows the meaning of despair. But are they really that bad? Which of the following do you regard as the worst thing about Germany?
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RSS FeedGermany in Focus, page 5

  • Shell Shock
    Baffled shop staff have rescued an endangered turtle abandoned in a DIY store in Cologne, Germany.
  • Winter Wonderland - Artist, 75, Still Loves Creating His Ice Fantasy
    N-ice work if you can get it where every year German artist Karl Neuhaus is asked to spend a month creating a spectacular fantasy world made out of ice even though none of his creations ever last into spring.
  • Sex Video Sale - Court Clears Hack of Blackmail
    A journalist who paid for a sex video showing a top German actor in bed with two prostitutes has been acquitted of coercion charges that could have seen him jailed.
  • Dead Drunk
    A 25-year-old man who choked on his car exhaust fumes trying to keep himself warm after a night on the town, police in Surberg, Germany, believe.

  • Greedy Shunts
    An entire family of fraudsters has been arrested by German police accused of running a 150,000 GBP bogus car crash insurance scam.
  • Cough Up or Its a Crummy End for Your 30 Inch Biscuit
    Pranksters who stole a giant gold plated biscuit from outside a German biscuit factory have sent a bizarre ransom note from the Sesame Street cookie monster
  • Firing Blanks
    A condom company has been censured by judges for falsely claiming their imported contraceptives were made in Germany.
  • See Eye D
    This bizarre photofit issued by police in Germany has certainly got crime spotters keeping their eyes open.

  • Road Hog
    A ham-fisted trucker lost his load of 21 tons of pork knuckle when he overturned at a roundabout in Haag, Germany.
  • Cigarette Brake
    Smoker Mathias Metzger found out first hand how cigarettes are bad your health - after a packet jammed under his brake pedal sending him careering off the road.
  • Crime Prevention: Teens Shame Ends Up In Theft Charge
    A 15-year-old German schoolboy who was too embarrassed to pay for a pack of condoms at a chemists at Penzberg in Bavaria, Germany, was arrested as a shoplifter after he tried to leave without paying.
  • Crummy Thieves
    Thieves really did take the biscuit when they made off with a giant gold-plated cookie from outside a cake factory in Germany.

  • Wee Delay
    A women who paralysed railway lines when she pee-ed on the tracks has been arrested by police in Cologne, Germany.
  • Breach of the P**s
    Fugitive crook Andy Becher, 26, was caught with his pants down when he was arrested by police while taking a pee on a railway platform in Hamburg, Germany.
  • Loodunit
    Police chiefs who used hidden cameras for 18 months in a bid to catch a loo roll thief in their own headquarters are facing an investigation into illegal surveillance techniques.
  • Milking It
    Angry mums have accused black marketeers of creaming off a fortune from bulk buying baby milk formula from supermarket shelves in Germany, and flogging it to China.

  • Radar Trip
    A driver caught with an illegal radar trap warning gadget in his car has been let off a 100 GBP fine in Germany - after telling judges he only uses it abroad.
  • Wolf Down
    An elderly German hunter who refused to pay a fine for shooting dead the first wolf to be seen in the Rhineland area of Germany for 123 years has ended up with a bigger fine - and court costs.
  • Bra-Gade of Guards
    An elite military Guards battalion is growing boobs because of the way they drill, a shock military medical report had revealed in Germany.
  • Fat Blue Liar
    Red-faced police have apologised to a driver for nicking him for speeding after he proved their mobile radar trap had been sent haywire by an overweight WPC.

  • Rumpy Pumpy
    A sex shop owner who got round early closing laws by fitting a petrol pump in his car park and re-registering as a service station has been sued by Town Hall officials in Germany.
  • Hush Puppies
    Police dogs are to be issued with shoes to protect their paws from broken glass at riots and crime scenes after successful trials in Germany.
  • Sperm Bank Robbery Trial
    Two docs who allowed the estranged wife of German man Dieter Fried, 40, to get pregnant with twins using a sperm sample he earlier donated are appealing a ruling to pay child maintenance.
  • Heavy Mob
    A teenage burglary gang who fled with a quarter ton safe in the boot of their Nissan Micra were caught when traffic police stopped them because they thought their suspension was broken.

  • Fake Austrians spied for Russia for 25 years
    One of the biggest spying trials of the last decade started today (TUE) in Germany in which two Russians managed to buy Austrian passports and were given thousands of pounds to create a successful middle class identity.
  • Sew Painful
    The family of a patient who died after surgeons left 16 different items inside his body during an op are seeking 100,000 GBP compensation from hospital authorities.
  • Third Reich-oons
    Hoards of Nazi racoons are sweeping across Europe after overwhelming armies of huntsmen trying to halt their march across the continent.
  • Youre Knickered
    Twin sisters Sophie and Marie Maier have been fined 5,000 GBP each in Cologne, Germany, after stripping off their undies and hurling them at cops arresting them for being drunk and disorderly.

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Latest News

 

How Boris Becker Was Brougt Low by Cheap TV stunt
Three-time Wimbledon tennis ace Boris Becker has been accused of making himself into a laughing stock by taking part in a cheap publicity stunt this weekend to promote his new book "Life Is Not a Game". The stunt included having a giant bow with two fly swats strapped to his head to play table tennis.

GRIN AND BEAR IT - Brown Bears At The Dentist
With toothache in choppers this size, these brown bears at a German wildlife park had every right to be a bit grizzly.

FORK THAT - Worker turns Fork Lift Into Jousting Lance
German police are investigating after a hyper market worker turned his forklift truck into a jousting device and attempted to spear a fellow worker after a row.

DIRTY THIRTY - Fake Euro Note Warning By Cops
A German corner shop owner saw some of his profits go up in smoke after he accepted payment for a pack of cigarettes with this non-existent 30 Euro note.

MURDER MYSTERY: Did Killer Confess in Novel?
Fugitive Norbert Wieland, 66, has been on the run since his girlfriend Bettina Polzer's body was found at her apartment in Furstenfeldbruck, Germany.

WHITE BLAM MAN - Brit Cheats Death By Seconds in Crane Smash
A British white van man cheated death by seconds in Germany when a falling 130 crane arm cut his truck in half.

UNTRUCKY BREAK: Thief Facing Justice
This smug looking truck thief will soon be facing justice - after speed cameras caught him fleeing the scene in Sarstedt, Germany.

NAZI SHOCK: Death Camp Victims Buried Beside SS Officers
Nazi death camp victims were secretly buried beside SS officers at a German World War II cemetery, outraged historians have revealed.

PICNIC BASKET BABY MURDERED - Baby abandoned in River Danube
A mother whose newborn baby boy was found dead in a picnic hamper with his throat cut is being quizzed by police in Regensburg, Germany.

WE ARE NOT EMU-SED - 7 Police Cars Chase Emu
Heavy handed cops gunned down a six foot tall emu after it escaped from an enclosure in Heimfeld, Germany.

 


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