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This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.

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16. 05. 12 - 12:00

Hearing Raid

German police are looking for a man who bit off the ear of 43-year-old Steffen Scherer after a punch up in a Hamburg brothel - and then fled with his trophy in a taxi.

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  • A short-sighted passer by sparked a huge police search when she reported a tiger prowling the streets - only for armed police to find a stuffed toy.
    Tiger Feat
    A short-sighted passer by sparked a huge police search when she reported a tiger prowling the streets - only for armed police to find a stuffed toy. ...
  • German police are searching for those responsible for cooking and eating a dog before dumping the bones in a public park.
    Dog Dinner
    German police are searching for those responsible for cooking and eating a dog before dumping the bones in a public park. ...
  • A pair of lip-shaped loos in a Rolling Stones museum have been ruled pout of order by women's rights campaigners who have branded them
    Jumping Jack Flush
    A pair of lip-shaped loos in a Rolling Stones museum have been ruled pout of order by women's rights campaigners who have branded them "sexist." ...
  • BMW driver Markus Barosch, 78, ended up plunging through a multi-storey car park wall after he put his automatic car into the wrong gear and then put his foot down.
    Dozy Parker
    BMW driver Markus Barosch, 78, ended up plunging through a multi-storey car park wall after he put his automatic car into the wrong gear and then put ...
  • Baffled Martin Sepp couldn't work out how the white van man who'd bought his Vauxhall hatchback was going to get his motor into the back of his truck - until he used an angle grinder to turn it into a four by four.
    Seen My Four By Four?
    Baffled Martin Sepp couldn't work out how the white van man who'd bought his Vauxhall hatchback was going to get his motor into the back of his truck ...
  • A 77-year-old motorist wrote off five brand new cars in a showroom while she was trying to take one out for a test drive.
    Crash Test Dummy
    A 77-year-old motorist wrote off five brand new cars in a showroom while she was trying to take one out for a test drive. ...
  • This dozy British beer fan found what must be one of the worst spots in the world to drop off on - wedged between two carriages on a 190 mph express train.
    Railway Sleeper
    This dozy British beer fan found what must be one of the worst spots in the world to drop off on - wedged between two carriages on a 190 mph express t ...
  • Brewers in Germany have given critics a mouthful - after winning the legal right to name a new drink after the F-word.
    Ficken Heck
    Brewers in Germany have given critics a mouthful - after winning the legal right to name a new drink after the F-word. ...
  • This daft trucker is paying the price for his van-tastic cheek - when he tried to salvage a wrecked car on the back of his pick-up truck.
    Flat Out
    This daft trucker is paying the price for his van-tastic cheek - when he tried to salvage a wrecked car on the back of his pick-up truck. ...
  • Terrified Marlene Bach had a real bad hair day when she tried to park outside her crimpers - and got her flip-flop caught in the accelerator pedal.
    Close Shave
    Terrified Marlene Bach had a real bad hair day when she tried to park outside her crimpers - and got her flip-flop caught in the accelerator pedal. ...
  • Furious women's rights groups have got a posh crimpers' by the short and curlies over an ad showing a man looking at his thong-wearing wife's crutch asking:
    Herr Don't
    Furious women's rights groups have got a posh crimpers' by the short and curlies over an ad showing a man looking at his thong-wearing wife's crutch a ...
  • Killjoy cops pulled the plug on motorist Steffen Eggers, 26 - when he used a bath to tow a pal down a road on their way to a barbeque.
    Pull The Plug
    Killjoy cops pulled the plug on motorist Steffen Eggers, 26 - when he used a bath to tow a pal down a road on their way to a barbeque. ...
  • Police have blamed the hit Disney children's movie Cars 2 for a spate of car tipping pranks across Germany.
    Flipping Funny
    Police have blamed the hit Disney children's movie Cars 2 for a spate of car tipping pranks across Germany. ...
  • Spooked cops couldn't believe their eyes when they checked their rear-view mirror - and saw a car being driven by a ghostly skeleton.
    Ghost Busted
    Spooked cops couldn't believe their eyes when they checked their rear-view mirror - and saw a car being driven by a ghostly skeleton. ...
  • More than 1,171 Germans munched their way through 9,000 portions of ice cream in a bid to create the world's biggest ice cream chain.
    Brain Freeze
    More than 1,171 Germans munched their way through 9,000 portions of ice cream in a bid to create the world's biggest ice cream chain. ...
  • Silly Parker Brigitte Koehler, 80, ended up with her car slotted in a parking space on its roof after this accident at Lueerdissen in Germany.
    Dozy Parker
    Silly Parker Brigitte Koehler, 80, ended up with her car slotted in a parking space on its roof after this accident at Lueerdissen in Germany. ...
  • Cops in Germany are warning of a massive increase in thefts of metal from train tracks triggered by the huge prices being paid for copper and other metals.
    Crooks Derail Train Timetables
    Cops in Germany are warning of a massive increase in thefts of metal from train tracks triggered by the huge prices being paid for copper and other me ...
  • Batman won't be happy with Batgirl after finding she had the batmobile confiscated by German police.
    Batty Woman
    Batman won't be happy with Batgirl after finding she had the batmobile confiscated by German police. ...
  • A horse has been caught by a speed camera in Germany.
    Horsing Around
    A horse has been caught by a speed camera in Germany. ...
  • It's not the kind of plant most gardeners would welcome - a 22 ton piledriver that demolished a row of neatly tended front lawns in Stade, Germany.
    Garden plant
    It's not the kind of plant most gardeners would welcome - a 22 ton piledriver that demolished a row of neatly tended front lawns in Stade, Germany. ...
  • Cops are hunting silly arsonists who donned this mask to start a blaze at a school in Kassel, Germany.
    Silly Arse-onist
    Cops are hunting silly arsonists who donned this mask to start a blaze at a school in Kassel, Germany. ...
  • Masked robbers in the form of two young raccoons had to be arrested by police after they hijacked a German motorists car.
    Highway Robbers Arrested
    Masked robbers in the form of two young raccoons had to be arrested by police after they hijacked a German motorists car. ...

  • Shock for Hamburgelars
    German police are hunting a gang that blew themselves up when they used a handsaw to try and hack through high-voltage copper cables alongside train t ...

  • Rihanna Copyright Row
    A teenage German photographer is demanding six-figure compensation after claiming that Rihanna stole his 'S&M' photo concept for a hit music video. ...

  • Track Attack
    German police are warning against a new prank from local kids of putting stones on the track which then explode when they are hit by high-speed expres ...

  • Quackers Cops
    A Quack squad of German cops waded into action to rescue a duck and seven chicks after a traffic accident at Buxtehude in Germany. ...

  • River police
    German car insurance salesman Dieter Maier had some explaining to do after he left the handbrake off when he parked his car outside the front of his o ...
  • Now this is the kind of Nature any red-blooded countryside fan would love to get back to.
    Farm Girls Horny Calender
    Now this is the kind of Nature any red-blooded countryside fan would love to get back to. ...
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Latest News

 

Chelsea Thugs Target Champs League Final
Anti-soccer thug police have warned that a hard core of violent fans are heading for Chelsea's Champions League final against Bayern Munich on Saturday - despite British police issuing more than 80 travel bans on suspected hooligans.

Old Banger
A cabbie whose gas-powered car exploded just after he'd fuelled up survived with barely a scratch when he was blown clean through the open window, say police in Schwabing, Germany.

Scared Stiff
A burglar fled an apartment in terror when he came face to face with the mummified corpse of the of a woman who'd died unnoticed five years earlier, say police.

Dirty Politics
A grandstanding politician came down to earth with a bump - when a 40 ton digger he'd insisted on driving overturned on top of him.

Ewe Brutes
Callous art students who planned to behead a helpless sheep are being investigated by prosecutors in the German capital Berlin over animal cruelty allegations.

Wedding Lift
A serial car crook found with stolen wedding presents worth more than 150,000 GBP has confessed to pinching them from cars parked outside churches and hotels.

Hot Cross Huns
Naked sauna-goers were among the two hundred guests that fled when a sauna and thermal spa resort in Fichtelburg, Germany, went up in flames causing 25 million GBP of damage.

Wedding Crasher
Boozed up Stephan Pfeifer, 20, was a real wedding crasher after wandering into a community centre attic space to find somewhere to sleep - and plunging 30 foot through the floor to land in a shower of debris in front of bride Annett Friedman in Unterfranken, Germany.

Off Their Trolley
Staff at a Kaufland supermarket in Duisberg, Germany, had to apologise to customers after thieves made off with their entire stock of 150 shopping trolleys overnight.

Piggy Back
Dad Lucas Bergmann who was burgled and his his kid's money boxes and toys stolen while the family were at a New year's Eve party has had the lot returned - complete with an apology note from the thief at Neufahrn in Bavaria, Germany.

 

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