This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.
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10. 09. 12. - 13:30
German fishermen are warning that there could be fresh attacks on swimmers from giant catfish after one reportedly ate a young swan - and another bit a schoolgirl on the leg.
Fishermen say they are baffled as to why the catfish, which have no natural predators and grow their entire lives, are now suddenly growing to such extreme sizes.
German media reported about one monster fish close to nine feet long (2.5 meters).
And with huge appetites as they get older some local lakes and rivers have been emptied of other fish - with the catfish that remain feasting on each other as cannibals. German Angler's Association boss Manfred Holzner said: "It is a worrying turn that they are now eating members of their own species and shows how bad things have become."
Swimmers at Berlin's Schlachtensee lake are refusing to go in the water after a string of attacks by a monster cat fish.
One girl was left with a seven inch bite after it savaged her leg as she swam towards the lake's beach. "We were in the water and just swimming around and it latched onto my leg. It felt like a bite. We bolted away and then it started bleeding," said victim Katharina Saxe.
Another victim, teenager Jonas Wegg, said: "I was suddenly bitten on my right calf when I was swimming the other day. I felt something huge and slippery. It was a real shock."
Ducks and even swans on the Isen River in Upper Bavaria have also reportedly been targeted by a catfish with one man out walking his dog saying he saw a young swan suddenly vanish underwater.
Fishermen meanwhile have little chance to act. Catfish are notoriously tricky to catch, and nets are generally outlawed in the affected waters.
GRIN AND BEAR IT - Brown Bears At The Dentist
With toothache in choppers this size, these brown bears at a German wildlife park had every right to be a bit grizzly.
FORK THAT - Worker turns Fork Lift Into Jousting Lance
German police are investigating after a hyper market worker turned his forklift truck into a jousting device and attempted to spear a fellow worker after a row.
DIRTY THIRTY - Fake Euro Note Warning By Cops
A German corner shop owner saw some of his profits go up in smoke after he accepted payment for a pack of cigarettes with this non-existent 30 Euro note.
MURDER MYSTERY: Did Killer Confess in Novel?
Fugitive Norbert Wieland, 66, has been on the run since his girlfriend Bettina Polzer's body was found at her apartment in Furstenfeldbruck, Germany.
WHITE BLAM MAN - Brit Cheats Death By Seconds in Crane Smash
A British white van man cheated death by seconds in Germany when a falling 130 crane arm cut his truck in half.
UNTRUCKY BREAK: Thief Facing Justice
This smug looking truck thief will soon be facing justice - after speed cameras caught him fleeing the scene in Sarstedt, Germany.
NAZI SHOCK: Death Camp Victims Buried Beside SS Officers
Nazi death camp victims were secretly buried beside SS officers at a German World War II cemetery, outraged historians have revealed.
PICNIC BASKET BABY MURDERED - Baby abandoned in River Danube
A mother whose newborn baby boy was found dead in a picnic hamper with his throat cut is being quizzed by police in Regensburg, Germany.
WE ARE NOT EMU-SED - 7 Police Cars Chase Emu
Heavy handed cops gunned down a six foot tall emu after it escaped from an enclosure in Heimfeld, Germany.
BUNNY SPOILER: Bieber Playmate Demoted
A Playboy bunny girl who met teen sensation Justin Beiber privately at a hotel after a show has been disciplined by bosses in Cologne, Germany.
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