This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.
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18. 09. 12. - 15:00
Scientists have signalled the end of man 'flu - after inventing a tissue that can tell exactly how ill you are.
Patients with sniffles will soon be able to tell if it's 'flu or just a cold simply by sneezing into a tissue, say research scientists in Germany.
The new tissue - say the research team - will change colour depending on the type of bacteria contained in the patient's mucus.
And experts believe the tissues could lead to the end of 'man 'flu' for ever.
"It will certainly stop people trying to pass of a head cold as influenza.
"The evidence will be right there in their hands," said one of the research team in Potsdam, which plans to have the tissues in the shops by 2014.
The project's head - physics professor Frank Bier, 53 - explained: "The aim is that patients, in the space of a few minutes, will know whether they are just a little bit ill or whether they have the onset of severe 'flu."
"That can be very important for certain patients. It can also help to stop the spread of 'flu-like epidemics," he added.
The team - from Fraunhofer-Institut for biomedical technology - say the special tissues work like Polaroid film.
"But instead of reacting to light, they react to different kinds of bacteria," said the professor.
How Boris Becker Was Brougt Low by Cheap TV stunt
Three-time Wimbledon tennis ace Boris Becker has been accused of making himself into a laughing stock by taking part in a cheap publicity stunt this weekend to promote his new book "Life Is Not a Game". The stunt included having a giant bow with two fly swats strapped to his head to play table tennis.
GRIN AND BEAR IT - Brown Bears At The Dentist
With toothache in choppers this size, these brown bears at a German wildlife park had every right to be a bit grizzly.
FORK THAT - Worker turns Fork Lift Into Jousting Lance
German police are investigating after a hyper market worker turned his forklift truck into a jousting device and attempted to spear a fellow worker after a row.
DIRTY THIRTY - Fake Euro Note Warning By Cops
A German corner shop owner saw some of his profits go up in smoke after he accepted payment for a pack of cigarettes with this non-existent 30 Euro note.
MURDER MYSTERY: Did Killer Confess in Novel?
Fugitive Norbert Wieland, 66, has been on the run since his girlfriend Bettina Polzer's body was found at her apartment in Furstenfeldbruck, Germany.
WHITE BLAM MAN - Brit Cheats Death By Seconds in Crane Smash
A British white van man cheated death by seconds in Germany when a falling 130 crane arm cut his truck in half.
UNTRUCKY BREAK: Thief Facing Justice
This smug looking truck thief will soon be facing justice - after speed cameras caught him fleeing the scene in Sarstedt, Germany.
NAZI SHOCK: Death Camp Victims Buried Beside SS Officers
Nazi death camp victims were secretly buried beside SS officers at a German World War II cemetery, outraged historians have revealed.
PICNIC BASKET BABY MURDERED - Baby abandoned in River Danube
A mother whose newborn baby boy was found dead in a picnic hamper with his throat cut is being quizzed by police in Regensburg, Germany.
WE ARE NOT EMU-SED - 7 Police Cars Chase Emu
Heavy handed cops gunned down a six foot tall emu after it escaped from an enclosure in Heimfeld, Germany.
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