This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.
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22. 09. 12. - 12:00
Sperm banks in China are running dry after a massive drop in donor numbers caused by a cultural clash with traditional Chinese values, say family planning experts.
Donor banks - which now offer men 500 GBP per deposit - are currently less than half full and officials say childless couples can now face a year long waiting list before getting a chance to start a family.
"The problem is that people these days are less likely to do what the state tells them too.
"They have more freedom and have gone back to traditional Chinese values," explained Xia Wei, deputy director of the Human Sperm Bank of central China's Hubei province.
"That means they would hate the idea of having children and not knowing who they are," he added.
Desperate family planning officials have begun a nationwide campaign aimed at students and office workers offering them a lunchtime pop in service.
And they plan to crack down on a thriving black market where male donors only agree to give their sperm if they can have sex with the would-be mum.
Fertility expert Dr Long Wen from Wuhan People's Hospital explained: "This market don't have any health checks, nor do they verify the quality of the sperm, which could lead to the transmission of venereal disease or genetic problems."
GRIN AND BEAR IT - Brown Bears At The Dentist
With toothache in choppers this size, these brown bears at a German wildlife park had every right to be a bit grizzly.
FORK THAT - Worker turns Fork Lift Into Jousting Lance
German police are investigating after a hyper market worker turned his forklift truck into a jousting device and attempted to spear a fellow worker after a row.
DIRTY THIRTY - Fake Euro Note Warning By Cops
A German corner shop owner saw some of his profits go up in smoke after he accepted payment for a pack of cigarettes with this non-existent 30 Euro note.
MURDER MYSTERY: Did Killer Confess in Novel?
Fugitive Norbert Wieland, 66, has been on the run since his girlfriend Bettina Polzer's body was found at her apartment in Furstenfeldbruck, Germany.
WHITE BLAM MAN - Brit Cheats Death By Seconds in Crane Smash
A British white van man cheated death by seconds in Germany when a falling 130 crane arm cut his truck in half.
UNTRUCKY BREAK: Thief Facing Justice
This smug looking truck thief will soon be facing justice - after speed cameras caught him fleeing the scene in Sarstedt, Germany.
NAZI SHOCK: Death Camp Victims Buried Beside SS Officers
Nazi death camp victims were secretly buried beside SS officers at a German World War II cemetery, outraged historians have revealed.
PICNIC BASKET BABY MURDERED - Baby abandoned in River Danube
A mother whose newborn baby boy was found dead in a picnic hamper with his throat cut is being quizzed by police in Regensburg, Germany.
WE ARE NOT EMU-SED - 7 Police Cars Chase Emu
Heavy handed cops gunned down a six foot tall emu after it escaped from an enclosure in Heimfeld, Germany.
BUNNY SPOILER: Bieber Playmate Demoted
A Playboy bunny girl who met teen sensation Justin Beiber privately at a hotel after a show has been disciplined by bosses in Cologne, Germany.
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